I don’t get it
by Authoress formerly knownas Liz
Summary: I finally lost it...just me making fun of a soap opera basically...haha...shounen-ai references and there are a lot of psychotic moments
1. Chapter 1

I don't get it...

By Liz

The idea came to me after me and Wesley were making fun of stupid actors and stuff and yeah...and it's not really supposed to make sense hehe. Don't get it? You're not supposed to, really.

* * *

Yugi was walking home from school one day. He was perfectly happy. There was nothing going wrong...no one wanted to kill him...no one wanted him to he upset or anything. He had good grades in school and he was the happiest person alive!

So he walked along on the sidewalk, more like skipping along on the sidewalk, humming to himself and thinking about his love interest, Yami: the most sexy man in the entire town of Domino.

"Just to be with him for a day," Yugi thought. "that would be absolute bliss."

So Yugi went to his house and went into his room and sat on his bed. "I'll talk to myself some more. Yami is so handsome..." he sighed. "...oh Yami..."

Meanwhile...

Said Yami was hanging around in an alley. Well, this said Yami decided that he needed to take part in some drug deals because he was short on cash...and drugs.

"Got the stuff man?" Yami said to a mysterious cloaked figure. The figure nodded and handed him a big bag of money. Yami then handed over a big bag of drugs and the two went on their merry ways.

"Glad that's over I say to myself." Yami said, talking out loud to no one. "Now I must give an extremely sexy-but-evil look to a wall." And said action was then performed.

Of course no one, not even the great C.E.O of the world Seto Kaiba (who just happened to be walking by), noticed a strange person talking to themselves. Behind Seto was a small boy who went by the name of Mokuba.

"Big brother? Where are we going?" Mokuba asked.

"We're going to your cousin's wife's daughter's half-brother's grandmother's seventh cousin twice removed's mother-in-law's great granddaughter Mai's wedding!" Seto said. "It is very important that we be there! I need to do something!"

"Raise eyebrow?" Mokuba said. "Tilt head sideways. I don't get it!"

"There's no need to voice your actions, Mokuba. Narrow eyebrows." Seto said. "Grab Mokuba's hand. Let's go."

At the wedding...

Mai sighed. "Wedding day." She looked in the mirror and sighed again. "Though the dress is pretty..."

Her best friend Tea looked over at her. "Are you SURE you want to go through with this wedding?" Tea asked. Mai just nodded. "Yes. I love Joey."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Because as your friend I should tell you that I don't think you love him. And as a friend, I should butt into your life and tell you how to live it and I won't leave you alone until you agree with me."

Mai tilted her head to the side. "I know what I'm doing thank you very much."

As they were getting ready, there was one sad boy still sitting and being lonely.

Yugi sighed. "I wish I was with Yami..."

And then his grandfather walked in. "YUGI. We're supposed to be at the wedding! Your best friend is getting married!"

Yugi sighed. "I know Grandpa...Joey doesn't need me there though. He doesn't really like me, he's just using me for some strange and unknown reason. However, because I am naïve, I will go to the wedding and pretend that all is fine."

"That's the spirit!"

So everyone who was going to the wedding went to the wedding.

Joey was standing on the altar watching as Yugi walked into the room. "Aha. That stupid Yugi. He doesn't know that I'm only using him for his Duel Monster talents and nothing more! Ahahahahaha!"

Yugi walked up to Joey. "I'm here Joey!" He said.

Joey faked a smile. "Glad that my best man could make it."

"Glad I could too." Yugi said. "I wouldn't miss your big day for the world!"

Just then, someone ran into the room. "JOEY!"

"Oh no."

"OH YES." Yelled the person.

"Gasp." Everyone said.

"It's Tristan!" Yugi said.

"I'm your best man, Joey! You know I am! Think of all we've been through!" Tristan said. "I was there when you were possessed by that demon! I was there when you were brainwashed into thinking you were the ruler of the world! I was there when you thought that I was dead but I was really just kidnapped and missing!"

Joey sighed. "He's right Yugi. I'm sorry."

Yugi started crying. "But I'm your best friend!"

Then the wedding started and the music began playing. Mai was walking down the aisle, smiling like she meant it, but really she was hiding feeling for another person...

Joey smiled back at her. "This is going to be the happiest day of my life!"

The wedding continued until the words were said: "Is there anyone who objects?"

And Seto Kaiba stood up. "He's cheating on you Mai!" and the whole room gasped. Mai screamed and fainted. Tea caught her and glared back at Seto. "What's wrong with you?"

"Marry me, Joey! I love you more than she could ever!" Seto said. Joey looked longingly at Seto, but then became angry. "You betrayed me! You never loved me! I could never forgive you for leaving me for someone else when you thought I was dead but I was really alive and being held prisoner in a castle for five years!"

"But I love you Joey!"

Then Mai woke up.

"Joey, I can't believe you would cheat on me!" She said. Then she slapped him. "I thought we were inseparable after the night you and me were trapped in a log cabin during that horrible blizzard and we needed to have sex in order to stay alive!"

Joey left Mai and went to Seto. "I'm sorry Mai...but I love Seto."

Mai just shrugged. "Oh well. I was just using you for your looks. You were a trophy boyfriend." She grabbed Tea. "I'm really in love with Tea."

Just then a motorcycle crashed into the building and ran over Tea killing her instantly. Riding the motorcycle was the one and only Yami.

"YAMI!" Yugi shouted and ran over to him. It was obvious that the teen had been drinking and taking drugs at the same time. Yami stood up and staggered around. "Wha's goin on?"

Then the police came and arrested him. And Yugi cried. "I'll get you back Yami. If it's the last thing I do..."

"Make love to me Seto." Joey said and began kissing Seto. And they started having sex in the church. Everyone started running away, and Mai forgot all about Tea and starting hitting on Joey's sister Serenity.

The next morning Yugi went to go visit Yami in jail...but Yami didn't know who Yugi was. "I'm your lover." Yugi said.

"I don't remember having any permanent lovers. I go with anyone that's willing to let me have sex with them for one day. Then I leave them cause I'm heartless like that." Yami said. His cell mate, Bakura, agreed. "Heeeeelll yeaaaah!"

Yugi got mad. "Who said you could join our conversation?" he screeched at Bakura.

"Well excuuuuuuuuuse me!" Bakura said. "I thought you could be a little nicer to your cousin's mother's step-sister's half brother's mother-in-law's grandson!"

Yugi gasped. "We're family? I never knew!" And he embraced Bakura through the bars of the cell.

"Yeah, and there's this really hott guy named Ryou who's related to this mofo" Bakura pointed to Yami.

"Got drugs?" Yami asked, and was promptly kicked by Bakura. "Ow!"

* * *

Uhh yeah...my first random burst of psycho-ness in a LONG time...hehe 


	2. Chapter 2

I don't get it…

By Liz

YES! I am writing chapter 2! It is amazing that I have time to do this, but since I am at school and I'm supposed to be researching stuff for school, I decided to write instead! WOHOO! Let's see how long this takes me!

Chapter 2 of the strangest fanfic making fun of the soap opera "Days of our Lives" and other various pathetic dramatic plots!

* * *

Yami awoke the next morning in his prison cell that he had been sent to the night before. "Ugh." He said, holding his head. "I should have never taken those drugs."

"Yes you should have!" Bakura, his cell mate, answered. "Drugs are fun!"

Yami glared at him. "I vowed not to take them ever again because I would wake up the next morning with a headache. And look what happened! I have a headache."

"Well, that doesn't matter! All that matters is that you had fun last night. Oh, by the way you did kill someone."

"I WHAT?" Yami screamed.

"You killed someone." Bakura responded. "I mean, I don't mind at all cause that's how I got into this place anyway. I was on my 40th kill when they caught me. You should have seen how depressed I was…"

Yami's face lost all it's color as he backed up towards the wall opposite his psychotic cell mate. "You…_killed?_"

Bakura sighed. "Yes." He began mocking Yami. "I _killed._ Is that some sort of crime?"

"Yes!" Yami screamed, throwing his hands up in the air. "That's why you're here! Because it's a _crime!_"

"Well, I know that now…" Bakura said. "It's a shame really. Killing is so much fun!"

Yami began hiding behind the frame of a bunk bed that was placed in the cell.

Meanwhile, Yugi was sitting in his closet, contemplating his life.

"Mwahahaha! Yami shall be mine!" He said to the many pictures of Yami he had hanging in his closet. He pulled out a small Yami doll and hugged it. "My lovely Yami. We will be together soon. I'll get you out of horrible prison and we can live happily ever after! Together! Forever! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Yugi!" His grandfather yelled. "What's going on up there? What are you doing?"

Yugi sighed. "Nothing Grandpa. Nothing at all." He smirked. "Yami will be all mine soon anyway."

On the other side of town, Seto Kaiba was waking up to see several policemen surrounding him, and the fact that he was in the arms of Joey Wheeler.

"What the hell!" Seto yelled. "I must get out of here before people find out that me and Joey had sex in the church after I broke up his wedding with Mai and she proclaimed her love to Tea and then Tea was killed by Yami the drunk driver and Yugi was panicking and Yami was taken to prison and they will all think it was my fault even though it wasn't!"

Joey sat up. "What is he talking about? It wasn't his fault at all! Though all the people might think it was my fault and then they will never speak to me again and then I'll get sent to prison and I might end up with the psycho serial killer Bakura who killed 39 people and was arrested on his attempted 40th and I have to get out of here before the cops suspect anything!"

The two ran out of the building.

Meanwhile, at the hospital:

Mai was sitting by Tea's death bed, crying. "I never got to share my love with you, Tea. I was going to ask you to be my wife." She placed her hand in Tea's and squeezed it tight. "I never got to show you how much I love you."

Just then, the doctor, Dr. Dev, walked in with all of Tea's medical records. "I'm sorry about your loss, Mai." He said.

Mai wiped her eyes. "I just wish she was still with us."

Silence filled the room.

"Well! Good news then! Tea's alive." Dr. Dev said.

Mai just stared at a wall.

"She's alive!" he repeated. "This means that the two of you can spend the rest of your lives together!"

Mai looked up and smiled. "Thank you." And she turned around and grabbed Tea. "I LOVE YOU TEA!" She screamed. "You're alive!"

Tea opened her eyes. "Mai?" She said. "What's going on? Where am I?"

Mai started crying again as she began frantically kissing Tea. Tea, surprised as ever, began kissing back and the two went at it on the death bed.

Dr. Dev's eyes went wide as he cautiously stepped away from the two women and went towards the door, quickly exiting and commenting that his eyes were burning.

On the other hand, Yugi decided he needed to go visit Yami. And having Yami's cell mate be family made it his advantage. Yugi hummed to himself as he walked outside. "I'll be seeing you soon, Yami my love."

As he was walking, he didn't notice the person stalking him in the bushes…

Bakura laughed. "You're pathetic you know?"

Yami cried from behind the bunk bed. "I want drugs!"

"You just gave me a speech about how you _weren't _going to use drugs anymore because they 'gave you a headache'."

"I don't care!" Yami whined. "I want my drugs and I want them now!"

Bakura smacked his own head. "You're hopeless."

"I am not!"

Just then a security guard walked in. "Bakura, you loser, you have a visitor."

"Wohoo…" Bakura said, obviously amused and happy to have a visitor. "I can't wait to see him…not."

"Are you sure? Because I'm very happy to see my cousin's mother's step-sister's half brother's mother-in-law's grandson!"

"Yugi?" Bakura said. "Hey there." He was about to approach him when he stopped. "Wait, you're just here to see Yami."

"Yami?" Yugi shouted. "MY LOVE?"

Yami came out from behind the bunk bed. "You again?" He sighed. "I don't know you!"

"You will." Yugi said. "You will…MWAHAHAHAHHAHAA!"

"What's going on?" Bakura said

* * *

Mwahahaha! Something I wrote for you! And the bell rang so I'm totally done hehe. Oh well hope you enjoyed chapter 2! 


	3. Chapter 3

I don't get it…

By Liz

Wow, I don't think I have touched this story in about 2 years. What compelled me to write some more of this story, you ask? Well, I just read it. And I'm bored. In POS 110. Like usual.

Anyway, here's chapter 3. The long awaited (not really) exciting (yeah right) chapter of the story!

* * *

"Really, I have no idea who you are." Yami said.

"Oh, but you will!" Yugi said. "You will remember everything!"

Bakura rolled his eyes. "He doesn't remember you, Yugi."

Yugi growled at Bakura. "He will! I just have to force all the information into him until he gets frustrated and finds someone else and then when that other person tries to kill him then I will be there to save him and then we will kiss and he'll remember everything and we will live happily ever after!"

Bakura raised an eyebrow. "How did you say that in one breath?"

"Yami," Yugi turned to Yami, grasping his hand through the bars. "I've loved you this whole time. We were meant to be! Don't you understand that?"

Yami jerked his hand away. "No. No, I don't understand that."

Just then a security guard walked in. "Yami, you're free to go. Tea didn't die."

"What?" Yami said. "I'm free! I'm free! I'm—" He saw Yugi looking at him with happy eyes. "Wait, can I just stay here?"

"No!" The guard said, forcefully removing Yami from the cell. "Go home."

"I don't have a home," Yami said. "I've been living on the streets. Keep me here!"

"I'll take him!" Yugi shouted. "He can live with me!"

"No…" Yami said. "No!"

"That's a great idea." The guard said. "Even though it's utterly ridiculous."

Yugi turned to Yami, beaming with delight. Yami shook his head.

Meanwhile across town, Seto Kaiba was at his desk at Kaiba Corp. typing idly on the computer.

"Even though this just sounds like I'm slapping my hands randomly on the keyboard, I'm actually getting some work done." He said to no one. "Now where did that Johanson file go?" And then the random typing continued.

"Ehm, Kaiba?"

Kaiba refused to look up from his computer. "What do you want?"

"Uhm…"

"Well?"

"You see…"

Kaiba looked up angrily, intent on yelling for no reason at the intruder to his office. He stopped once he saw who it was. "Joey?"

"Yeah," Joey said. "I wanted to see you so I came and bothered you during your business hours. I know you have a lot of work to do, but it seemed reasonable at the time."

"I see," Seto said. "Well, I have a lot to do, so can you leave?"

Joey's eyes welled up with unnecessary tears. "You don't want me?"

"That's not it, I just have lots of work to do and—"

"You don't love me!" Joey screamed. "I get it! You're cheating on me! Who is she?"

Seto sighed. "There's no one, Joey. I'm perfectly capable of sustaining a long term committed relationship. Close laptop. However, you have my attention now, so I think I won't be getting any work done."

"You wanted me to leave,"

"You came during my job. You said it yourself that I have work to do." Seto said. "But even though there isn't enough time in the day, my insanely rich and busy company can be put on hold so that I can have sex with you in my office."

"You mean it?" Joey said.

"Yes," Seto said. "No matter how much money my company will lose, I will have sex with you in my office."

So they went at it on Kaiba's desk, completely ignoring the shadowed figure in the corner…

Back across town, Yugi was walking with Yami back to his house.

"We can do all kinds of things, Yami!" Yugi said. "We can play cards, play video games, take a walk in the park, have sex, eat ice cream, dance in the rain…"

"What was that fourth thing?" Yami asked.

"Walk in the park?"

"No," Yami said. "After that."

"Eat ice cream?"

"Between those!"

"Have sex?" Yugi offered.

Yami sighed. "Look, kid. I have no idea who you are. Why would I want to have sex with you?"

"Because you have sex with many other people that you don't know?"

Yami opened his mouth to protest, then closed it.

"See," Yugi said. "Just have sex with me!"

"No,"

"Please?"

"No!" Yami stormed off ahead of Yugi.

Yugi stopped walking. "You _will _be mine, Yami!"

He still failed to notice the person stalking him in the bushes.

Back in the city jail, Bakura was sitting idly on his bed, staring at the cell bars. He had nothing to do, as he was now cellmateless. He kinda missed that drug addicted idiot.

"Pfft," Bakura said. "Why would I miss him at all?"

He stood up, walking over to the bars and sinking his head against them. A security guard walked by, whistling to himself, ignoring the bored stare that the white haired teen was giving him.

"Hey!" Bakura yelled. The security guard stopped whistling and turned to face him.

"Yes?"

"I'm hungry." Bakura said. "I'm also bored. I demand entertainment!"

The guard raised an eyebrow. "And I assume you want this entertainment from me."

"Yes. Yes, I want the entertainment from you."

The guard rolled his eyes, folding his hands across his chest. "You're kidding, right?"

"No," Bakura said. "I'm serious. This is my serious face. Don't you understand?"

The security guard walked away.

"Hey! Come back!"

Meanwhile at Domino University, Tea was sitting in her dorm room reading a book.

"Now, I should actually be in class, but since I do all that off screen, I have a lot of time to read my trashy romance novels." She said, moving herself over to her bed and laying on her stomach.

Suddenly, Mai came bursting into the room, throwing herself on Tea and making out with her.

"Oh Tea! I love you!" Mai said. "Make love to me!"

"Mai…" Tea said as she rolled over on her side. "I told you, we need to wait."

Mai kissed Tea's neck. "But I don't want to wait until we're married. I want you now."

"No, Mai." Tea said. "I could get pregnant. Or worse, my family might not approve! I'm just not ready."

"You won't get pregnant—"

"You don't know that!"

"We'll be careful," Mai reassured Tea. "I promise."

Tea stood up, turning her back to her girlfriend. "You don't understand, Mai. You're only concerned with yourself!" With that, she stormed out of the room, leaving a crying Mai behind.

Across town, Joey and Seto were lying on the floor of Seto's office, completely out of breath.

"This reminds me of the time when we were trapped at sea on our boat for three months," Joey said.

Seto looked over at him. "How does this remind you of that?"

"Because we never left the bed."

"Oh yeah," Seto said. "Good times."

Suddenly, the door flung open. "Setooo!" A female voice yelled.

"Oh fu—"

"AHHHHH!" The person screamed. "HOW COULD YOU, SETO KAIBA!"

"Who's that?" Joey asked. "Is she your girlfriend? Are you cheating on me!? How could you!"

"Joey!" Seto said. "Wait!" He watched as Joey ran out of the room crying.

* * *

Okay, I don't know why I wrote another chapter of this…but oh well. I hope it made you at least give out a chuckle. Lawl. 


End file.
